I haven’t said all in the first confession. Of course, I couldn’t say all, not only for the shame, but also for the triviality of it. Yes, it can get more trivial than this. But here I’ll speak of one night that happened more than a week after that call.
One day while at the office, a situation kept flashing in my mind - I was logged on to my friendster and was searching for his account using his email address. That act in my head was like a dream because I wasn’t deliberately thinking about it. I knew he didn’t have any friendster account as he said he didn’t have time for such. And there was really none when I tried searching for it a long time ago. So it surprised me that night, when I got home and did what had been flashing in my head during the day, to find that he already has a friendster account!
It was a very new account. Last log in was on the day that I called him up, and it seemed that it was also the day he signed up in friendster. There wasn’t much there. But it surely is his account because I put his email ad in the user search which months ago resulted in zero matches. No picture. The profile only contained his name, his age, his location, and had one friend in his list of friends. And in the required field of status, it was no shock to me at all that it indicated he is “in a relationship”.
It didn’t really shock me, because I already knew that he has a girlfriend. But I felt something weird. The information somehow awfully affected me. I couldn’t recall what went in my mind then. But I texted him something like this: Hi, jst saw u already hav frndster. it’s quite new. ddnt know ur in a rel. kaya pala u dnt ask me out anymore ksi di n un pwde. :c joke! niwey, gud luck in luv & career.
A little later, he replied that he just woke up from a weird and violent dream and thought it must be because of his present confusion at work. So we had a little exchange about it until he told me he had to do an assignment. Then I said something like: ok. do ur assgnmnt na. nxt time n kita intervw abt ur luvlife. secretive ka e, u tel me so many things abt urself xcept on dat subject. He replied that he was watching tv and wouldn’t do the assignment yet, so I may go ahead.
I asked him: who’s the lucky girl? gano n kyo ktagal? He answered something like: medyo matagal na. eversince college pa naman may gf na ko kaso nag-break kami. i have a new gf now. I replied: ya, u told me abt break-up w/ d old 1. san mo natagpuan c new 1? frm work? frm school? border? neighbor? He only reacted: andami mo naman tanong.ü
There was only one question. He obviously just didn’t want to answer it to which I know the answer. In my first confession, I said that I learned about his having a girlfriend months ago from a friend. It’s not that we have any common friend at all. My friend only happened to know him because they live in the same boarding house. So there… (Pardon my disorganized narration. I didn’t plan to give a lot of details but I’m afraid I got carried away.)
Receiving no response from him, I texted: di k n nga sumagot.it’s ok.2 personal e.bt il tel u it feels strnge knwin abt it only nw,cnsidrng ol dats bin sed.u may nt undrstnd wat i mean.i also dnt.sodntask. His reply: ur ryt, i dont understand wat u mean.
And so it became apparent that the things I considered to have been said between us were only things that have been joked about. I’d been so good in over-romanticizing. I’d been so wrong about him all along.
I told him to not mind my little strange feeling, and then said “nyt”. He said ok and good night.
I have yet to tell my friends about this foolishness. Maybe I’ll refer them to these confession entries anytime that I’m ready. So much for my happy ending…
One day while at the office, a situation kept flashing in my mind - I was logged on to my friendster and was searching for his account using his email address. That act in my head was like a dream because I wasn’t deliberately thinking about it. I knew he didn’t have any friendster account as he said he didn’t have time for such. And there was really none when I tried searching for it a long time ago. So it surprised me that night, when I got home and did what had been flashing in my head during the day, to find that he already has a friendster account!
It was a very new account. Last log in was on the day that I called him up, and it seemed that it was also the day he signed up in friendster. There wasn’t much there. But it surely is his account because I put his email ad in the user search which months ago resulted in zero matches. No picture. The profile only contained his name, his age, his location, and had one friend in his list of friends. And in the required field of status, it was no shock to me at all that it indicated he is “in a relationship”.
It didn’t really shock me, because I already knew that he has a girlfriend. But I felt something weird. The information somehow awfully affected me. I couldn’t recall what went in my mind then. But I texted him something like this: Hi, jst saw u already hav frndster. it’s quite new. ddnt know ur in a rel. kaya pala u dnt ask me out anymore ksi di n un pwde. :c joke! niwey, gud luck in luv & career.
A little later, he replied that he just woke up from a weird and violent dream and thought it must be because of his present confusion at work. So we had a little exchange about it until he told me he had to do an assignment. Then I said something like: ok. do ur assgnmnt na. nxt time n kita intervw abt ur luvlife. secretive ka e, u tel me so many things abt urself xcept on dat subject. He replied that he was watching tv and wouldn’t do the assignment yet, so I may go ahead.
I asked him: who’s the lucky girl? gano n kyo ktagal? He answered something like: medyo matagal na. eversince college pa naman may gf na ko kaso nag-break kami. i have a new gf now. I replied: ya, u told me abt break-up w/ d old 1. san mo natagpuan c new 1? frm work? frm school? border? neighbor? He only reacted: andami mo naman tanong.ü
There was only one question. He obviously just didn’t want to answer it to which I know the answer. In my first confession, I said that I learned about his having a girlfriend months ago from a friend. It’s not that we have any common friend at all. My friend only happened to know him because they live in the same boarding house. So there… (Pardon my disorganized narration. I didn’t plan to give a lot of details but I’m afraid I got carried away.)
Receiving no response from him, I texted: di k n nga sumagot.it’s ok.2 personal e.bt il tel u it feels strnge knwin abt it only nw,cnsidrng ol dats bin sed.u may nt undrstnd wat i mean.i also dnt.sodntask. His reply: ur ryt, i dont understand wat u mean.
And so it became apparent that the things I considered to have been said between us were only things that have been joked about. I’d been so good in over-romanticizing. I’d been so wrong about him all along.
I told him to not mind my little strange feeling, and then said “nyt”. He said ok and good night.
I have yet to tell my friends about this foolishness. Maybe I’ll refer them to these confession entries anytime that I’m ready. So much for my happy ending…
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