tongue-tied
sometimes i like to say thank you
for not just knowing me, but for understanding me
for needing me and for empathizing with my troubles
for smiling when i try to make you do
or when you are trying to make me too
there are times i want to plead you to stop bugging me
because it is hard to keep this friendship on the surface
when beneath it is something else, something vulnerable
or because it could be that i am being played upon
at times i intend to tell you how sorry i am
for believing that you could have fought for me
for hating you for unconsciously hurting me
for loving you too much, perhaps more than you can bear
sorry for trying, but failing, to forget you
times come when i feel like bidding you goodbye
because i am wasted and weary of this wicked cycle
of hanging around when i am strong
and then of staying away when i am weak
there will be times i wish to express
how much you are loved by me
although i could barely say i miss you
i pray that somehow you could feel this love
a love that would never leave you lonely
but most often i never knew what to say
i could not decide which to tell first or which to omit
i could not find the words or the way to start
when all at the same time i am needing to tell you:
thank you
stop bugging me
i am sorry
goodbye
i love you
pagtingin
maaari bang
panoorin lang kita
at hindi muna kausapin
nais lang kitang tingnan
nang walang alinlangan
habang ika'y tumatawa
nagmumukmok
nakikipagkwentuhan
walang ginagawa
o nagmamasid din
gusto ko sanang
huwag mo munang pansinin
kung ako'y nananahimik
pagmamasdan lang kita
na panatag ditong
nagpapaanod sa panonood
dahil hanap kong damhin
na nariyan ka lamang
na walang dapat ipag-alala
at kapag kasama kita
kahit hindi na kita tingnan
sapat na
basta kapiling na kita
sapat na
(para ito sa isang nakilala.. kaso hindi na pwede.. haaayy sadness..)
tuwing umuulan
tuwing umuulan
naaalala mo ako
dahil kaya may dala itong lungkot
kung kaya nais mong may makasama?
sa t'wing uulan
ika'y nagpaparamdam
at sinisimulan natin ang pag-uusap
tungkol sa mga bagay na lumipas
taglay ng pagbabago ng panahon
ang pareho nating pagpapaanod
sa mga damdaming inaalala
at ito'y ating kinasanayan
kaya't kung dumarating ang ulan
alam kong maaalala mo ako
di ko na lamang tiyak
kung mas una na kitang naiisip
marami na ang pagbuhos
na tayo ang magkaramay
nagpapalipas ng lumbay
nang-aaliw, nagpapaaliw
ito man ay lilipas din
darating ang tag-ulan
na maaaring ako'y maalala mo
ngunit di ka magpaparamdam
itong ambon ay magdadala ng mga patak
na galing sa mga mata
moonstruck
[adj.1.mentally deranged. 2.dreamily romantic or bemused.]the moon was full that night. it had been an exhausting day but the cool breeze relaxed my body. it had been weeks since then on one of those weekly gatherings but it didn't become the usual night because someone happened to be sweet to me again. was he really sweet or was he simply inspired to be a little more nice to me, i couldn't tell. but perhaps, i had only been moonstruck.
he used to have my heart about 3 years ago. but i took it back when it seemed he didn't want to have anything to do with it when he broke it unintentionally. he knew it and he was sorry.
that night, he was suddenly in his mood of years back of being close to me.
i was in my solitary moon-watching outside the assembly room when he distracted me. he had nothing particular to say. i had forgotten the last time just the two of us talked for that long. we get to meet a lot of times but always with our group of friends. so there was unease and some nostalgic feeling in me the whole time we were together. when i commented about how beautiful the moon was, he agreed saying that it was romantic because it was full. he had engaged me in a conversation while we keep looking at the sky.
i wondered if he had sensed my uneasiness. i wondered if he remembered the past. i wondered why i was wondering. i wondered whether it could be because i still have special feeling for him, or only because of its memories. i wondered if he misses me the way i miss him at times. i even wondered if i should be bothered by it at all.
weeks had passed since then. i knew there was nothing to that unusual encounter with the man i loved. there was only a memory to recall, on that night a dreamer bathed under the moon.
keeping dry
it rained all of a sudden one high noon. i didn't have my umbrella with me; i had my sunglasses instead. feeling all alone, i found shelter in a lobby of a building where i had managed to run to before the heavy downpour. i felt so helpless that my spirit was dampened than my body had avoided to be. i was worried being stranded as i won't be able to accomplish what i had to do in the little time i could afford for the task. i would be damned for that lapse.
of the few things i had with me then, i was most thankful to have my cellphone. someone had kept me company in my unexpected misery. of the people who could have been the one to console me, i was glad that it was him who allowed to be bothered. it so happened that he started some catching up thru texting before it rained. and so it was to him that i expressed my woe. he said words to ease my worries.
my spirit was damp. but he prevented it from becoming drenched, for the way he was concerned had brought in a little sunshine. it had not brought me out of trouble from work and school, but he had kept me dry somehow.
morissette & mraz
Alanis and Jason. They're my top favorite music artists. It got me excited to have learned that they did a concert tour together. Excited only about the idea, and of course not of getting the chance to see them together. How could that be? Unless i won an all-expense paid trip to see the show. I'm not sure if it would matter that I'd have no company, the free ticket was not even possible. Anyway, it really was thrilling for me. I could only wonder how they would present their distinct kind of music in one show.
Alanis is celebrating the 10th year of her jagged little pill (JLP) album. Could you believe it had been that old? I remember my highschool & college days when i used to yelp with her songs which i memorized (even the tongue-twisting angsty parts) and which i never get tired of playing over and again with my guitar or on my cassette player. I listened to her tapes even if they've become old. I loved her up to the next few albums that she released, although she wasn't as phenomenal in later years. JLP had been my most favorite album for a long time, that's for almost a decade.
Then Jason introduced himself to me through his Waiting for my Rocket to Come album. His music was not something that i liked on the first impression. Actually, i only got curious of the album when i chanced upon reading the lyrics. How i loved the lines! And so i purchased the album at the time when YOu and I Both was already on the airwaves, meaning when it has long been released with the first single Sleep All Day. I liked many of the songs then pretty soon, they grew on me (as they say), and i decided the album to be my most favorite. Sleep All Day even became one of my top fave songs, considering it never appealed to me when it was a hit. So there, i memorized more tongue-twirling lyrics of Mraz' fast songs.
It makes me happy knowing that they appreciate each other's music. I never imagined they'd have some connection since they don't make the same type of music. But maybe they do, on the aspect of making reflective, personal, and thoughtful songs- the things i love about their art.
Alanis released an acoustic version of JLP.
Jason came out with Mr.A-Z, containing 3 original songs. Can i hope that one day soon they'll do a concert together here?
(BTW, i'm also wishing that Rivermaya & Bamboo will do a back-to-back concert. My friends said it could never happen. But should it be possible, it surely will be a blast.)
due to the insistent demand...
of
chum, i'm writing this entry. but since i was only compelled by her insistence, including on those occasions when we personally talk, she might not be pleased by this kind of response. because there will be no
update to be discussed. at least she gets to read this entry in her honor(?). hehe! friends can make demands. and because we love them nonetheless, we sometimes try to give them even a semblance of what they ask for. it just goes to show that we truly care for each other.
isn't that right, chum? peace!
