bday senti

I turned 24 yesterday. Although I was pressured to treat people out, I didn’t bother. No budget for that. But a few gifts still came, and some cards. Thanks to my thoughtful friends, especially to those who somehow found a way for me to celebrate the day. Because I really didn’t plan anything.

Now I wonder why I thought of friends who happened to forget. Some of them are close friends for years. I wonder how this time they failed to greet me. Not even a belated one, so far. Should that make me sad? I believe I shouldn’t, but I feel a little disappointed. It’s easier to accept for acquaintances to not care about your birthday, but not so with close friends.

So I’ll just have to accept that they’ve forgotten. For surely, it can’t be that they remembered but chose not to greet, di ‘ba? And still, some would’ve remembered had they not been so busy- as almost all my peers claim and complain to be- or had they not totally lost touch, which is a really sad thing. Sigh.

I’ve always reminded myself: people would come to my life, but there’s nothing I can do to make anyone stay. It’s beyond me- or my charms, or my coercion. Nothing. Not even my love. And I must also continually learn that I may not have to understand the so many “endings”, manifestly or not, that never ends to happen.

Anyway, I still feel blessed to have dear persons who never quit putting up with my weirdness. I’m grateful to those who keep in touch. I miss those who have lost touch. We may find each other again.

This birthday is more of the time when I reminisce people in my life than it is an occasion when I am remembered.