Dear Pare,

Hi there! I hope everything's doing well for you.

Uhm, well, my heart has just been broken. I've been pretending that I'm okay. You see, I'm not all that what-you-see-is-what-you-get type of person. It's just not easy to be true at times. Like these times, I put up a happy disposition despite the brokenness inside. If you'd only seen me today, you might find that I'm in an unusual hyperactive state. I'd laugh at the simplest blooper of my colleague. I guess I've already become used to keeping things to myself. But I can't escape this real loneliness, which is only stronger when no one is around.

Maybe the man only needed a distraction. So when he came around, after two years of no contact whatsoever, and just out of a long-term relationship, he tugged at my heart without so much of an effort, that I must be more distracted than he wanted for himself. After all, he was the man I fell for years ago, who I still thought of once in a while and hoped to see again one day. The day came. And my heart couldn't help but fall instantly. That was really crazy, pare! I didn't know why you once asked if I'm impulsive. I only replied that I don't think so. Maybe you think I am, don't you?

Pare, do I sound like I hate the man? 'Cause I don't blame him for my broken heart? It's not that I've been played, right? I understand that some people who come to our lives, including those we come to love deeply, are not bound to stay long. We can't make anyone stay. Though realizing that doesn't make me invulnerable, I shall give in to this acceptance. I'll be fine, pare. And I hope you will also pray that it will be soon.

Anyway, it's so sad that you're drifting away. You may have no idea that you are loved this way. No idea that you caused me a broken heart. I will surely miss you, pare. But I'm letting you go.


*this is just a blog entry. unsent.