tongue-tied

sometimes i like to say thank you
for not just knowing me, but for understanding me
for needing me and for empathizing with my troubles
for smiling when i try to make you do
or when you are trying to make me too

there are times i want to plead you to stop bugging me
because it is hard to keep this friendship on the surface
when beneath it is something else, something vulnerable
or because it could be that i am being played upon

at times i intend to tell you how sorry i am
for believing that you could have fought for me
for hating you for unconsciously hurting me
for loving you too much, perhaps more than you can bear
sorry for trying, but failing, to forget you

times come when i feel like bidding you goodbye
because i am wasted and weary of this wicked cycle
of hanging around when i am strong
and then of staying away when i am weak

there will be times i wish to express
how much you are loved by me
although i could barely say i miss you
i pray that somehow you could feel this love
a love that would never leave you lonely

but most often i never knew what to say
i could not decide which to tell first or which to omit
i could not find the words or the way to start
when all at the same time i am needing to tell you:
thank you
stop bugging me
i am sorry
goodbye
i love you