broken

I'm lost.
These times, I've become a different person. It feels like I've been kissed by a "dementor" - that I can't be happy anymore. It feels like tonight, I can write the saddest lines. But I'm not good with words. I only try to write to unburden my heart. But no, I don't make sense! There's nothing to unburden because my heart is a void. Can emptiness be a heavy thing? Maybe it's that unbearable lightness of emptiness of the heart. Am I on in an infinite sadness?

I had thought I'm a hopeful romantic. I'm the kind who seems always inspired. I'm passionate. I love deeply. I love until it hurts. I have to kill myself to stop loving. But I'm not suicidal. So now I'm lost. I don't want to love, but I can't not love. I'm lost! It doesn't make sense.

your smile

i begged for your smile
because it is my reason to smile
but you gently refused
so i started to pout
then you looked down
and just as suddenly looked up
showing me a lopsided smile
i loved so dearly
and i gave out a laugh
that you could not resist to share


(written while waiting for my turn in a bank; 01/28/04)

1st entry

oh well, i have really nothing to say. i just wanted to post something as soon as i joined this blogspot thing. it's past 1am & that's way past my bedtime, so...